Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
