so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
