theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
