I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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