As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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