I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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