random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
