Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
a search helicopter?!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
