I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
