I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
