Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
