Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
