if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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