apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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