Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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