Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Terrible idea I love it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
