I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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