Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
