3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you never un-have a 4some
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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