My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We left the knife in your bed.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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