Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
