dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
