i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
