i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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