I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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