Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
