she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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