Moan for me like Helen Keller
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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