my sisters under your porch take her home
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
