btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
