I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you traded sex for a burrito?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
