I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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