I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
