it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
