I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
