cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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