Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
