you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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