I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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