I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Randomize
