id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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