thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
