hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
