three words: i give head
three words: not that well
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
