at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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