A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
