I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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