Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
