She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
where are you?
Hypothermia
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
