i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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