My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
